Being unemployed is just SO hard. It is so stressful and depressing to wake up whenever I want, to spend hours drinking my favorite tea and reading interesting books about life and medicine and philosophy. To nap when I’m tired, to meditate. To have a beer at lunch or wear yoga clothes all day long.
Then there’s yoga. Oh, god, all the yoga! And it’s free, which is even worse! I have to go and do yoga like once, sometimes twice, a day! I don’t even have a schedule to say when I have to go and when I can’t go- I just go whenever I feel like it. Ugh!
Then there’s lunch to think about. Today, lunch rolled around at about 4 because I chose to be hard core and take two yoga classes in a row (the second being the karma yogi class that Zuda puts on twice a week- Tuesday and Thursday. The class is donation based and proceeds go to Happy Tails pet sanctuary) and I didn’t want to eat before/between classes. Alas, this was just such a burden. So I ate some yogurt and drank my tea in the morning and read a book at Old Soul and eavesdropped on an interesting conversation and then meandered over to yoga with my buddy Lauren.
Clearly, my life is hard. I was so sore from yesterday’s yoga that I went into child’s pose a bunch of times today and it was just so lame, being all happy and sweaty and relaxing and breathing with everyone in the class. It got even worse when I began to feel empowered and strong towards the end of class. Gawd, who needs to feel good these days anyway?
Ok, I’ll cut the act. I just can’t help myself, I feel so spoiled just hangin’ out waiting for my VISA. All of life’s problems are just temporarily on hold for now and I’m stuck here in the meantime, killing time. I’m even teaching myself how to draw with the help of YouTube and a countless number of erasers.
On Monday I spent the day in the park with Jenn and Jake, sipping cold brew from a coffee cup and sketching different shapes and objects, watching the cute little kids play on the swing set. The three of us passed around a pad of paper, making up a story sentence by sentence. Jake read some sentences from a book he bought at the Goodwill, Jenn DJ’d some music from her phone, and we all gabbed periodically about whatever came to mind. Needless to say, it was a really stressful Monday.
When this whole unemployment phase began, I was afraid I would run out of things to do on my days off. But this just hasn’t happened yet. My mind must have been keeping an ongoing log of all the things I’d rather have been doing besides going to work, all those years. Because I never seem to run out of activities throughout the day. There are still so many books to read, so many thoughts to write, emails to send, things to sketch, and errands to run. There is always some friend with the day off.
As the days tick by, I doubt that I’d be able to keep this up past October 6th, my planned departure date, without losing my mind, but I’m gonna suck every last bit of enjoyment out of it while I can because I feel like my brain has been wanting this time for a long, long while. I think being able to recharge before Korea is a pretty awesome gift from the cosmos.
Nevertheless, having time to meditate and process things that have been stuck in my head for years has caused some jarred in emotions to surface. The other day I had myself a little existential tantrum, questioning all these things about the world and wanting answers right away. I was comforted when Megan sent me an emailing telling me that the entire world and it’s problems, society, is impossible to comprehend. The power is in the individual and how the individual chooses to live. That is where the revolution will start. That is the true root of change.
I told this to Chris, last night, when he was too restless to sleep and so got stuck playing therapist as I free-associated all over him. I confessed that I’ve been feeling really emotional in the past couple days, despite living the Life of Riley all the time. It’s not necessarily a bad emotion, it’s just intense emotion that keeps coming forth at random intervals. Chris, the sweetheart that he is, simply puts his arm around me and says, “Well, this is an emotional time in our lives.” I tell him that I wish I could just purge all my emotion at once, just cry it all out, and he began shuffling through his gargantuan DVD collection to find a movie that would help me cry my emotion out. I just don’t think I’ve ever met anyone more understanding and caring than this guy. And as convenient as it would be for both of us if I could just push him away before I leave for Korea, I keep running into walls that continually reaffirm my love for, and appreciation of, him.
And to top it all off, we closed the night by watching UP